If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
