i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
third nipple confirmed
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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