i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
