You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize