Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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