i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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