"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
