u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
