I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
