Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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