I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
