I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
