Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
