i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
