I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
