I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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