I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I believe in your delicious
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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