i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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