elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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