the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
