im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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