I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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