Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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