You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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