I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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