there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
