why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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