Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
