the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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