then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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