If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
