Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
