honey bunches of taint.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
wow bdsm is so cute
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