i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
