; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How does one acquire holy water?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
