saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I still have a little drunk in my system
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
