Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
