All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
dude. I can hear the air.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
