Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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