Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
high people should be assigned attendants
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
