why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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