Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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