I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
