conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
BRING THE BAGELS
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
