So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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