Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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