i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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