I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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