I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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