I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
