We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
