Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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