i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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