Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
