Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize