her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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