Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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