I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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