Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them

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(469): View more from Texas

You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.

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(281): View more from Texas

Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.

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(815): View more from Illinois

should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?

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(630): View more from Illinois

nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster

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(760): View more from California

He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?

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(320): View more from Minnesota

My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.

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(301): View more from Maryland

He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are

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