census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have fence marks all over my body
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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