omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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