Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
