ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
