I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
