Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
