If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
