he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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