no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
