If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
