the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
