If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
