My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
