I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
